After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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