Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
