Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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