Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
