I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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