I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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