Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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