i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
