Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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