why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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