He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
did i just pee glitter
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
