first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
