Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
