just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
