Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't deserve a penis
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
