Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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