You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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