he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
