no, he came in my armpit
and she was petting her beer can
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
