i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize