Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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