Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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