no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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