im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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