We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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