the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
