I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
this hospital has no fireball
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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