omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
