hotel room ftw
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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