I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
