are you still at the devil's house?
You just made me feel so damn special
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
love makes seman taste better
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
