Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
