Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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