So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you win again, gameday.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
