I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize