so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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