Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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