first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
