In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
