The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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