yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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