Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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