Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
