boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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