Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
