It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
