I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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