he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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