i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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