she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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