Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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