He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
