This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
