Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
