what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
