The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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