i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
