i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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