I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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