that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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