I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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