I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
