she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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