Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
