This house was built for laser tag.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
