I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Bring me that man meat
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
