Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
