Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize