Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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