Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
