I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
