we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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