I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
