I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize